Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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