There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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