she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
