His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
