Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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