The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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