Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
