He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
