I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
