Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
