I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
