Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
