So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
