woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize