I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
