I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didn't shave. On purpose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
