He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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