The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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