I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
