he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
