I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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