Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
