i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
