Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
