Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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