How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
