First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
