you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
