Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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