Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
