He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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