all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Welp...herpes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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