How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
