i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
