were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
