Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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