His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
