at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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