peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
