Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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