you guys were way drunker than both of me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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