when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
