her vagine was all disorganized.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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