If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
