At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
