I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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