she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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