i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
