he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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