P.S. I can't hear my feet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
