the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
