How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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