sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
