Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hope mine doesn't look like that
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
