i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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