I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
