on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
