Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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