i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
