The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
