just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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