Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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