just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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